The dreaded 'I should'

How many times have you done something just because you think you should? Is it really because of your desire to do something, or is it that you don't want to disappoint someone, or create friction with someone?
I find that continuously saying yes because you 'should' vs. because you actually want to leads to all kinds of unhappiness.

There are many cases for should being acceptable, I should take the garbage out, I should get gas before I go to work... these are things that you eventually need to do, and the 'should' takes form as a reminder for something that is really an ' I have to' we all have these, and sometimes they aren't a good time. These are not the 'should's' I'm talking about.

The ones I am talking about are the ' I should do________' for someone else. The times you say "I feel like I should" while ignoring the inner knowing that you by no means want to do what ever it is. Often we use it because we want to make other people happy, and by doing something that they want us to do we feel like we are accomplishing that goal. But at what cost?? if you are leaving your own happiness by the wayside while participating in a should, then is it really worth it? and if you are doing it because you don't want your friend or family member mad at you, but you end up wasting your time being miserable, is it really worth it?

This is also an act of boundary setting, and putting your own needs first which I know first hand how difficult it can be.
When I was much younger, I had friends who always wanted me to go to the bar. I hated the bar, it was loud, there were so many inebriated people, nobody respected personal bubbles, the energy was just too hard on me, and being an empath it made it seriously overwhelming, to the point it was horrifying for me just to think about going. For a little while I did go because I should, it was someones birthday, or celebration of some kind, and I felt like if I didn't (and it was proven that if I didn't) someone would be mad at me for it. I had to start saying no because it was too hard for me to say yes. I did lose some people, but eventually people started to respect that boundary, and knew that if they were going to a bar, I wouldn't be going. For the friends that were worth it, and respectful of it, we made alternate arrangements to celebrate their birthday, I would take them to a movie or for dinner, or to a pub (much better for me). Ultimately I kept the good friends, and got rid of the ones who were only my friend because I would do things for them that made them happy. Truthfully it made me way happier to have good friends, then friends who use, guilt and manipulate me to get what they want, and pursue their happiness at the expense of others.

The moral??
If you are doing anything because you feel like you should, instead of actually wanting to do it... you are giving your power away, you are diminishing your own light, and you are putting someone else's happiness above your own. If you check in with yourself and realize that you really don't want to be going somewhere, or doing something, don't do it, say no. The more you do, the easier it gets, the happier you will be, and the more empowered you will become.
Take a stand and strike the phrase "Well... I feel like I should" out of your vocabulary, or at least delve a little deeper and figure out why you feel that way, and if it isn't because you will enjoy it, or it will mutually benefit you, it isn't worth it. 

The Power Of Choice

HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE.

I am the only person that is responsible for my own journey. That makes you the only one responsible for your own journey. How you choose to react to what is going on in your life is up to you.
Every moment in your life you have the power to choose how you want to react to any given situation.

Now, I am not saying it is easy, I will fully admit that it has taken some hard work, some honest, deep down soul searching, belief discarding and embracing and changing, moment by moment irritations and testing, foot stomping, fist balling, jaw clenching... belly breathing, mantra saying, silence invoking, meditation relieving, seeing the bright side, everything happens for a reason, finding the wisdom and lesson in every challenging moment, moments to get to where I am.

But that is my choice. I choose to be living the best life possible, and to be as joy-filled, and as happy as I can be.

What do you choose?

Treat Everyone Like They Are Buddha

Or someone that you really care about. I swear this will change your life.
I started doing this when I was still working in the food industry. It is a hard industry to work in, considering the amount of people you interact with on a daily basis, and who will show you the full spectrum of humanity.
I was at a great little coffee shop, that in all honesty had some really great people that came in, but every now and again, I was met with someone very frustrating for me. And every now and again, I had a bad day, some times these things would coincide with each other.
So I got to thinking about what I could do to not let someone else's unhappiness affect my happiness (or on bad days, my unhappiness) and it occurred to me that if that negative person was Buddha, how would I treat them?? I would of course treat them with respect and compassion, because that is what I believe Buddha should be treated with. Then I thought, maybe Buddha would be teaching me a lesson in showing compassion for someone who didn't outwardly 'deserve it', and then I thought about why a fellow human being wouldn't deserve to be treated with compassion and respect, and I had a great understanding and realization that EVERYONE deserves to be treated with respect and compassion.
So from that day on, I would just repeat the mantra "treat them like they are Buddha" every time I had a customer that evoked an initial negative response in me, which would switch that moment from a negative to a positive one, and in truth, nine times out of ten, it made a difference in their day too (even if I didn't directly see it).
I also treat everyone out side of my working life (this has carried over into my healing practice) as though they were Buddha, sometimes the purpose of driving is to learn patience, and having compassion and respect for other drivers has made my driving experience far more enjoyable. And every time I am in a situation in which service is being exchanged - like being in a coffee shop, I treat the person who is serving me with the same compassion and respect I know that I deserve, because it all comes back full circle. What you put out there you will receive.
So if the "Buddha" thing doesn't work for you, place in someone that you feel very lovingly towards, and whom you would want other people to treat with respect and compassion, no matter the circumstance.
Treat women like they are your mother, sister, best friend, girlfriend, partner.
Treat men like they are your father, brother, best friend, boyfriend, partner.
Treat children like they are your own, your niece or nephew.
I think that if we all strive to treat everyone like they are Buddha, this world will be a happier place, and perhaps teaching this to everyone and putting it into daily practice is a good start to healing the dis-ease of bullying.

Spend Time With People That Inspire You!

I think it is really important on your journey to happiness that you learn from other peoples examples and spend time with people who truly inspire you! Spend some quality time with friends or loved ones who inspire you, or who clearly really enjoy their lives, and allow them to help you out. Ask them how they do it and listen without self-judgement, and feel free to take whatever insights they have shared that resonate with you, and leave the rest (what makes them happy might not be what makes you happy). Also make sure you enjoy the time you spend with them, their happiness will rub off, if you let it.
Spending time reading a book by someone you admire also constitutes spending time with people who inspire you, whether it is a biography, or a self help writer you enjoy, or a fiction book that makes you feel good and inspires you, its worth it.
Soon enough, you'll be the person that is the inspiration (truth be told, you already are, you just have to realize it, and own it)

Treat Yourself The Way You Treat Others!

I didn't get the saying wrong I swear! I know we are supposed to treat others the way we want to be treated, but have you ever noticed that you are in fact nicer to others than you are to yourself??

Our internal dialogues are often negative, we blame ourselves, feel guilt, shame, anger; tell ourselves that we are just not good enough, or not as good as________ (whoever we seem to be comparing ourselves to); we are so hard on ourselves! In truth, if your friend said to you the things that you say to yourself, how fast would you end your friendship??? I hope the answer is really quickly!
How often have you ever said to a friend the things you say to yourself? - as in tell your friend they aren't good enough, or they have bad skin, and could lose a couple pounds? Never! They wouldn't be our friend anymore, and in truth, you probably think they would be crazy to think those things about themselves. You see how nice they are, how beautiful they are, and how much you care about them, and they care about you.

So I think that we should treat ourselves the way we treat others. It's not just that we want other people to treat us with kindness, compassion, respect, etc., we want to treat ourselves that way too.
When you are talking to yourself, listen to what you are saying, and if you wouldn't ever in a million years say that to your friend, or your family, STOP, change it into something positive, and treat yourself with the kindness, compassion and respect you know you deserve. I promise it will make you happier!

Giving People Their S**t back..A Meditation

If you are like me, you would love to help everyone you care about any way you can. Often this leads to carrying someone else's burden, drama, pain, discomfort etc. with the idea that we are helping them out. When in reality, we are just holding on to their stuff, while they still have full grasp of it. We cannot ease someone else's pains or burdens by energetically holding on to it to "for them." We can however help by lending an ear, being as compassionate and empathetic as possible and being there for them.

So what happens when we somewhat unconsciously hold onto our loved ones shit? we get run down, our energy shifts, perhaps we stop being in such a great mood and cant quite put our fingers on it, try this meditation and see if you feel better after...

Sit comfortably, breathe a little slower and deeper than normal until you feel yourself relax. Then when you are ready, visualize a box in front of you, it can be any color, any size (if your holding onto a lot it can be a refrigerator box), then choose a person who's shit your holding on to with them, and picture all of their stuff going from you and into that box. Take your time and remember to breathe. Remember this box can grow as you put stuff in it, its flexible!
When your done filling this box with their stuff, add to it feelings of love and light, then visualize putting a lid on it, and wrapping it, elaborately or simply, your choice. When your done, visualize handing this present back to the person who owns it. Knowing it was theirs in the first place, and that you are doing it with love.
Repeat with as many people as you need!
When you are done, simply take a few deep breaths, feel your awareness come back to your body, and into the room you are in, wiggle your fingers and toes, and gently open your eyes.
Your done, see how you feel. And remember you are still a great and wonderful friend, and when you are unburdened by other peoples shit, you can actually be a more loving person.
Good luck and happy meditations!

*an addition to the meditation!! I realized that in any relationship there are (at least) two people involved, and you are one of them, so when you give who ever it is their shit back, remember to take back your own! visualize them giving you your box of shit back for you to take ownership of. This will free you to take responsibility for your own journey which is really important in the quest for happiness.

New Years Resolutions

I want to change the way I do resolutions. I personally do them on my birthday, because then it is for my personal year, and I often reflect on the past year then vs. at the end of the calendar year. So I have decided to base my resolutions on feelings instead of on things. I have noticed that if I resolve to change something that puts too much pressure on myself, or is based on material or superficial things, I set myself up for failing. So this year I want to feel abundant, happy, love, healthy, creative, even more empowered, aware, and connected. So now its the fun part of figuring out what I can do to elicit those feelings as often as possible! (which I promise will grace the pages of this blog as I go!)

As an example, every year gyms make a ton of money in January because of all the people out there who are determined to lose weight, by March (if not before) a very high percentage of people no longer go, and have given up on their resolution. So instead of wanting lose weight, figure out what feelings you are chasing, is it the feeling of being healthy? more energetic? happiness? feeling sexier? Find ways to feel those feelings and your weight should change in a positive way as a natural bi-product!
If it is health your after, set an intention to make better/healthier food choices, or decide to try at least one new health based thing this year - jazzercise, yoga, jogging, walking, zumba, and try to have fun with it. If you hate doing it, you won't last, so set yourself up for success by trying to find something that you can enjoy, even if its just a little.
If it is increased energy, try to go to bed at a better time and get a good nights sleep, decrease your caffeine and sugar intake in the day, increase the amount you exercise, eat healthier, do things with a smile.
If it is happiness, read this blog :) , do things with a smile, breathe, think of the things that make you the happiest (whether it be scrapbooking, dancing, laughing, meditation, spiritual pursuits, reading a great book) and do that as often as you can. Explore all of the things that make you smile, and you will find yourself happier as time goes on.
If it is feeling sexy, wear clothes that you feel good in, and tell yourself that you are sexy (while smiling) even when you aren't feeling that way, eventually you will feel it. Try to focus on the areas of your body that you love vs. the parts that you feel could use some work. Be gentle with yourself!

Instead of making the 'issue' the focus of change, make the positive feeling the creator of change!