Tuesday, December 17, 2013

How I learned to be authentic, and how I found my way back to knowing Love.

This has been one of the hardest but most incredibly rewarding years of my life. I stopped writing this blog because I lost a lot of joy, and had a lot of heartbreak and its hard to write about happiness and peace when you don't feel those things. I assure you though, the other posts in this blog are many of the things that got me through the worst of it.
So here are my lessons of 2013:

How I learned the importance of authenticity when it comes to EVERY single relationship and just as importantly, to myself:
I had a break up with a friend that I had had since high school, horrible things were said, horrible things were done, hearts were broken and disappointed. It all had purpose for me, it was my biggest fear when it came to truly being authentic (by being authentic I mean honoring what is right for me and who I am and being honest about who and what that is) and this big fear came to fruition with a person I really cared about. What ensued was some really deep looking at who I am, and who I've pretended to be. I wanted to figure out how can I align what I have put out in the world in the past that is false and that I created so I could feel like I fit in and that people would like me, with what was really who I have grown to become.

So this was step one of opening my heart, and letting other people in. I changed how I approached my friendships, I did my best to speak my truth, share my heart and have some difficult and scary conversations that ended up being the most beautiful and supportive moments. I have really deepened some friendships because I actually showed up as myself, not what I perceived the other person wanted me to be.
One of the biggest things for me was telling people that I am intuitive...in the sixth sense, esp, psychic kinda way which really didn't shock anyone but it was like coming out of the closet for me. I also started to share the hard things in my life with honesty and with full trust that whom ever I was sharing with would hold my hand and my heart with the utmost care.
I learned that in order for anyone in this world to know who I am, I have to show up in the world entirely myself.

How I learned to be grateful for the worst week of my life because ended up bringing me to the most profound place of love:

My worst week started off with my landlord giving me my one month notice, ultimately because his apartment was in the process of being taken over by the CRA, I made the decision to move back my parents place at least temporarily. I went to their house, told them everything that was going on, and declined the tea my mom had offered because I wanted to go to the mountains/river because I was having a bad day thus far. I left, and less than 5 minutes later I got rear ended, thankfully it was by an elderly woman, so I cared more about her well being in the moment than anything else. Grateful that I could fall back on my holistic/massage training I knew what to do for whiplash so I just went home, had a good cry and went through my protocols. The next few days I was in a lot of pain and had started my chiropractor and massage routine. Then the most heartbreaking thing happened, we had to put Ollie down. I love Ollie, he was the best dog and we had such an incredible bond and understanding, he was my furbaby. So I broke. I lost my apartment, I lost my car, I lost my health (physical, mental, emotional), and I lost my dog. It was the first time in my life that I literally felt broken. That first night after Ollie passed, the only way I got to sleep was to list the things I was still grateful for, and thankfully it worked. I spent days not getting up off of my couch, I didn't know how to keep going, but every morning I woke up so I figured I had to keep going (thankfully I have my Kaya cat and she needed to be taken care of still!)

So here is the beauty of it all (yes I said beauty!) with the car accident I got to have 21 Chiropractic and massage treatments. I know some really incredible healers and for three months I had to take care of myself by letting others take care of me. They helped me heal not only my body, but my mind, heart and spirit.
Moving in with my parents, who I already have an incredible relationship with, was the best thing for me, because I needed to heal and I needed to be with the two people who love me unconditionally and who would provide me the space and the time to do so. Because of all the 'work' I did deepening some really great friendships, I had an incredible support system and had people to listen to me, and cry with me, and just let me be who ever I could show up as with kindness and compassion. I was surrounded and supported by loving people.

The grief of Ollie was hard. With moving and everything else that was going on at one point I knew I had to put it aside as best I could to get everything else done. So about a month after I settled into my parents home, I was overcome with grief again. So I decided I had to sit in it. To be present to it. To honor it. To allow it. And then the most incredible thing happened, as I lay in bed sobbing, I understood. I realized that my grief was because I had cut myself off from my connection to Ollie because he had passed. Now bare with me. I went for a walk along an off leash about two weeks before this, and I could feel him walking beside me. I know from my experiences, and with my beliefs, what is true for me, is that you continue on  - the whole energy is neither created or destroyed, just changed concept. So my question became, why do I have to disconnect from that feeling of love just because he physically isn't here anymore?? and my answer was, you don't.

This is how I learned what Love and peace are to me. To come from a place of love, to be love, to connect to love. I opened my heart to it. I breathed into it, and I felt my breath go into the center of my heart chakra - to a place I have never felt it go before. There I found space, that weight, sadness, heaviness was gone. I needed to break in order to get here, all of those broken pieces were bits of things I needed to break free from.
I still miss dog snuggles from time to time, but I truly love my life now, and I know from this point on amazing things are going to happen!




Saturday, May 4, 2013

A happiness challenge with a thinking meditation...


Ever have troubles meditating because you can’t stop thinking, sometimes we need to actually stop and listen to our thoughts to create happiness in our lives!
We feel like we must constantly be doing something, anything to keep up preoccupied, distracted and ultimately non-present. We have our smartphones, our tv's and a myriad of other things to preoccupy us so well. They do serve their purpose, when we have feelings that we don't particularly like, it is easier to distract ourselves than it is to stop and listen to what it is that we are upset about, angry at, saddened by etc. because to know the answer may mean that you have to do something to change it. 

So this is a call to accept the challenge of growth and change, you already know the answers to the question of what would truly make you happy, you are just to busy distracting yourself from it.

So try this thinking meditation:
Set some time aside, turn everything off, get out a notebook or paper and a pen, and ask yourself the question “what do I need to do to be happier in my life (or at work, or in my relationship etc.)?” and simply let the thoughts come. Make sure to do you best to keep your thoughts focused on the question you’ve asked. If you notice that you are thinking about what should go on the grocery list, breathe and bring your awareness back to your original question. Our minds like to solve puzzles, so give it the challenge of finding the best answer to your questions, and write down any insights you get. Remember the best answer may not be the one that you want to hear, it may not be the easy one, but it will be the right one for you. If you don’t get any clear answers the first try, keep at it, try again the next day or week, you can try wording the question differently and see if it helps (if you asked ‘what about work don’t I like?’ and aren’t getting a good answer, instead ask ‘what could I do to increase my happiness at work?’) try to pose it positively. And don’t give up, after all your happiness is at stake.

The next step is a bit more challenging to carry out, but simpler to explain.
 FOLLOW YOUR OWN ADVICE. 

I wish you luck on your journey to a happier life!

Sunday, April 28, 2013

The dreaded 'I should'

How many times have you done something just because you think you should? Is it really because of your desire to do something, or is it that you don't want to disappoint someone, or create friction with someone?
I find that continuously saying yes because you 'should' vs. because you actually want to leads to all kinds of unhappiness.

There are many cases for should being acceptable, I should take the garbage out, I should get gas before I go to work... these are things that you eventually need to do, and the 'should' takes form as a reminder for something that is really an ' I have to' we all have these, and sometimes they aren't a good time. These are not the 'should's' I'm talking about.

The ones I am talking about are the ' I should do________' for someone else. The times you say "I feel like I should" while ignoring the inner knowing that you by no means want to do what ever it is. Often we use it because we want to make other people happy, and by doing something that they want us to do we feel like we are accomplishing that goal. But at what cost?? if you are leaving your own happiness by the wayside while participating in a should, then is it really worth it? and if you are doing it because you don't want your friend or family member mad at you, but you end up wasting your time being miserable, is it really worth it?

This is also an act of boundary setting, and putting your own needs first which I know first hand how difficult it can be.
When I was much younger, I had friends who always wanted me to go to the bar. I hated the bar, it was loud, there were so many inebriated people, nobody respected personal bubbles, the energy was just too hard on me, and being an empath it made it seriously overwhelming, to the point it was horrifying for me just to think about going. For a little while I did go because I should, it was someones birthday, or celebration of some kind, and I felt like if I didn't (and it was proven that if I didn't) someone would be mad at me for it. I had to start saying no because it was too hard for me to say yes. I did lose some people, but eventually people started to respect that boundary, and knew that if they were going to a bar, I wouldn't be going. For the friends that were worth it, and respectful of it, we made alternate arrangements to celebrate their birthday, I would take them to a movie or for dinner, or to a pub (much better for me). Ultimately I kept the good friends, and got rid of the ones who were only my friend because I would do things for them that made them happy. Truthfully it made me way happier to have good friends, then friends who use, guilt and manipulate me to get what they want, and pursue their happiness at the expense of others.

The moral??
If you are doing anything because you feel like you should, instead of actually wanting to do it... you are giving your power away, you are diminishing your own light, and you are putting someone else's happiness above your own. If you check in with yourself and realize that you really don't want to be going somewhere, or doing something, don't do it, say no. The more you do, the easier it gets, the happier you will be, and the more empowered you will become.
Take a stand and strike the phrase "Well... I feel like I should" out of your vocabulary, or at least delve a little deeper and figure out why you feel that way, and if it isn't because you will enjoy it, or it will mutually benefit you, it isn't worth it. 

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

The Power Of Choice

HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE.

I am the only person that is responsible for my own journey. That makes you the only one responsible for your own journey. How you choose to react to what is going on in your life is up to you.
Every moment in your life you have the power to choose how you want to react to any given situation.

Now, I am not saying it is easy, I will fully admit that it has taken some hard work, some honest, deep down soul searching, belief discarding and embracing and changing, moment by moment irritations and testing, foot stomping, fist balling, jaw clenching... belly breathing, mantra saying, silence invoking, meditation relieving, seeing the bright side, everything happens for a reason, finding the wisdom and lesson in every challenging moment, moments to get to where I am.

But that is my choice. I choose to be living the best life possible, and to be as joy-filled, and as happy as I can be.

What do you choose?

Monday, March 4, 2013

Treat Everyone Like They Are Buddha

Or someone that you really care about. I swear this will change your life.
I started doing this when I was still working in the food industry. It is a hard industry to work in, considering the amount of people you interact with on a daily basis, and who will show you the full spectrum of humanity.
I was at a great little coffee shop, that in all honesty had some really great people that came in, but every now and again, I was met with someone very frustrating for me. And every now and again, I had a bad day, some times these things would coincide with each other.
So I got to thinking about what I could do to not let someone else's unhappiness affect my happiness (or on bad days, my unhappiness) and it occurred to me that if that negative person was Buddha, how would I treat them?? I would of course treat them with respect and compassion, because that is what I believe Buddha should be treated with. Then I thought, maybe Buddha would be teaching me a lesson in showing compassion for someone who didn't outwardly 'deserve it', and then I thought about why a fellow human being wouldn't deserve to be treated with compassion and respect, and I had a great understanding and realization that EVERYONE deserves to be treated with respect and compassion.
So from that day on, I would just repeat the mantra "treat them like they are Buddha" every time I had a customer that evoked an initial negative response in me, which would switch that moment from a negative to a positive one, and in truth, nine times out of ten, it made a difference in their day too (even if I didn't directly see it).
I also treat everyone out side of my working life (this has carried over into my healing practice) as though they were Buddha, sometimes the purpose of driving is to learn patience, and having compassion and respect for other drivers has made my driving experience far more enjoyable. And every time I am in a situation in which service is being exchanged - like being in a coffee shop, I treat the person who is serving me with the same compassion and respect I know that I deserve, because it all comes back full circle. What you put out there you will receive.
So if the "Buddha" thing doesn't work for you, place in someone that you feel very lovingly towards, and whom you would want other people to treat with respect and compassion, no matter the circumstance.
Treat women like they are your mother, sister, best friend, girlfriend, partner.
Treat men like they are your father, brother, best friend, boyfriend, partner.
Treat children like they are your own, your niece or nephew.
I think that if we all strive to treat everyone like they are Buddha, this world will be a happier place, and perhaps teaching this to everyone and putting it into daily practice is a good start to healing the dis-ease of bullying.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Spend Time With People That Inspire You!

I think it is really important on your journey to happiness that you learn from other peoples examples and spend time with people who truly inspire you! Spend some quality time with friends or loved ones who inspire you, or who clearly really enjoy their lives, and allow them to help you out. Ask them how they do it and listen without self-judgement, and feel free to take whatever insights they have shared that resonate with you, and leave the rest (what makes them happy might not be what makes you happy). Also make sure you enjoy the time you spend with them, their happiness will rub off, if you let it.
Spending time reading a book by someone you admire also constitutes spending time with people who inspire you, whether it is a biography, or a self help writer you enjoy, or a fiction book that makes you feel good and inspires you, its worth it.
Soon enough, you'll be the person that is the inspiration (truth be told, you already are, you just have to realize it, and own it)

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Treat Yourself The Way You Treat Others!

I didn't get the saying wrong I swear! I know we are supposed to treat others the way we want to be treated, but have you ever noticed that you are in fact nicer to others than you are to yourself??

Our internal dialogues are often negative, we blame ourselves, feel guilt, shame, anger; tell ourselves that we are just not good enough, or not as good as________ (whoever we seem to be comparing ourselves to); we are so hard on ourselves! In truth, if your friend said to you the things that you say to yourself, how fast would you end your friendship??? I hope the answer is really quickly!
How often have you ever said to a friend the things you say to yourself? - as in tell your friend they aren't good enough, or they have bad skin, and could lose a couple pounds? Never! They wouldn't be our friend anymore, and in truth, you probably think they would be crazy to think those things about themselves. You see how nice they are, how beautiful they are, and how much you care about them, and they care about you.

So I think that we should treat ourselves the way we treat others. It's not just that we want other people to treat us with kindness, compassion, respect, etc., we want to treat ourselves that way too.
When you are talking to yourself, listen to what you are saying, and if you wouldn't ever in a million years say that to your friend, or your family, STOP, change it into something positive, and treat yourself with the kindness, compassion and respect you know you deserve. I promise it will make you happier!

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Giving People Their S**t back..A Meditation

If you are like me, you would love to help everyone you care about any way you can. Often this leads to carrying someone else's burden, drama, pain, discomfort etc. with the idea that we are helping them out. When in reality, we are just holding on to their stuff, while they still have full grasp of it. We cannot ease someone else's pains or burdens by energetically holding on to it to "for them." We can however help by lending an ear, being as compassionate and empathetic as possible and being there for them.

So what happens when we somewhat unconsciously hold onto our loved ones shit? we get run down, our energy shifts, perhaps we stop being in such a great mood and cant quite put our fingers on it, try this meditation and see if you feel better after...

Sit comfortably, breathe a little slower and deeper than normal until you feel yourself relax. Then when you are ready, visualize a box in front of you, it can be any color, any size (if your holding onto a lot it can be a refrigerator box), then choose a person who's shit your holding on to with them, and picture all of their stuff going from you and into that box. Take your time and remember to breathe. Remember this box can grow as you put stuff in it, its flexible!
When your done filling this box with their stuff, add to it feelings of love and light, then visualize putting a lid on it, and wrapping it, elaborately or simply, your choice. When your done, visualize handing this present back to the person who owns it. Knowing it was theirs in the first place, and that you are doing it with love.
Repeat with as many people as you need!
When you are done, simply take a few deep breaths, feel your awareness come back to your body, and into the room you are in, wiggle your fingers and toes, and gently open your eyes.
Your done, see how you feel. And remember you are still a great and wonderful friend, and when you are unburdened by other peoples shit, you can actually be a more loving person.
Good luck and happy meditations!

*an addition to the meditation!! I realized that in any relationship there are (at least) two people involved, and you are one of them, so when you give who ever it is their shit back, remember to take back your own! visualize them giving you your box of shit back for you to take ownership of. This will free you to take responsibility for your own journey which is really important in the quest for happiness.