I fell off...hard. My original intent was to share awesome inspiring ways that I have found personally useful to maintain and/or create happiness (hence the blogs name) but now I realize that it is just as important to say the crappy parts of the journey, because I know that they are just as important as the happy parts. I am grateful for every experience in my life. I know that every time I pick myself back up and continue where I left off I am proud of myself, and it gets a little easier each time.
Okay so the crappy part, also a forewarning if you plan on doing the burn I outlined in the previous post: so a culmination of things happened to assist me in the parting of me and my wagon (I admit my role in this!) I had a very big project to do for my business, and I had a month to complete it. I started it very shortly after said burn, which - this is the forewarning part - I realized was the start of a small downward spiral. I spent three full days thinking about the beliefs that I had from childhood that no longer served and supported me. In retrospect, that was far too long, it created a negative space for a prolonged period of time, combined with the dwelling on things well after the burn. At the same time, some of these belief systems were tested by my family by synchronicity, some of these tests I admittedly failed. Then my deadline grew nearer, and I grew more devoted to its completion, and less devoted to my spiritual and happiness inducing practices, first to drop off was my morning Qi-Gong, then my visualizations, my gratitude 5, my journal entries, my breathing, my attitude, my drive to do better.... Then my project ended, I completed it, and I feel good about the final product. But I didn't resume my routine, or even re-start one of the things that is important to me. So there was no joy or excitement at the completion of a major task, and really I just felt like sitting in front of my TV with all of my spare time and just mentally and spiritually check out, and that is exactly what I have been doing for the past 2+ weeks. Which I tell ya, felt a whole lot longer than that!
So then I started to go to other people to seek out what is wrong, and to get them to help me feel better, and in the process met a wonderful Tibetan medicine man, who asked me if I go to get water from my neighbors when I am thirsty? and oh the realization that I am a healer who maybe should be working my magic on myself hit me. Then I realized all the things I had been doing before were truly making me happy, it was a way to honor and empower myself. I got up this morning, I did my morning visualizations (between snooze buttons so I don't lose track of time) and I did Qi-Gong while my water for tea was boiling (which a friend inspired me to do today), and I have to say I already feel the way I did over a month ago. My family stress has eased, I can breathe again, and I feel like the light inside me is back to shining with all its brilliance.( I suppose it really has always been there shining, it was just me that didn't notice)
The moral of the story is: Sometimes we need to have unhappiness to really appreciate happiness, be grateful for the dark so you can appreciate the light. We do all need to have a balance, and I know that I will still have moments, or days where I am not at my highest happiness point, but I have now made the commitment to myself to do the best I can, and if that means I revel in my unhappiness for a bit, or I only do one of my happiness inducing things, or I do them all, or add something new into the mix, so be it. Showing kindness and compassion to ourselves should actually be the first thing on the list of creating happiness!
No comments:
Post a Comment