I think it is really important on your journey to happiness that you learn from other peoples examples and spend time with people who truly inspire you! Spend some quality time with friends or loved ones who inspire you, or who clearly really enjoy their lives, and allow them to help you out. Ask them how they do it and listen without self-judgement, and feel free to take whatever insights they have shared that resonate with you, and leave the rest (what makes them happy might not be what makes you happy). Also make sure you enjoy the time you spend with them, their happiness will rub off, if you let it.
Spending time reading a book by someone you admire also constitutes spending time with people who inspire you, whether it is a biography, or a self help writer you enjoy, or a fiction book that makes you feel good and inspires you, its worth it.
Soon enough, you'll be the person that is the inspiration (truth be told, you already are, you just have to realize it, and own it)
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Treat Yourself The Way You Treat Others!
I didn't get the saying wrong I swear! I know we are supposed to treat others the way we want to be treated, but have you ever noticed that you are in fact nicer to others than you are to yourself??
Our internal dialogues are often negative, we blame ourselves, feel guilt, shame, anger; tell ourselves that we are just not good enough, or not as good as________ (whoever we seem to be comparing ourselves to); we are so hard on ourselves! In truth, if your friend said to you the things that you say to yourself, how fast would you end your friendship??? I hope the answer is really quickly!
How often have you ever said to a friend the things you say to yourself? - as in tell your friend they aren't good enough, or they have bad skin, and could lose a couple pounds? Never! They wouldn't be our friend anymore, and in truth, you probably think they would be crazy to think those things about themselves. You see how nice they are, how beautiful they are, and how much you care about them, and they care about you.
So I think that we should treat ourselves the way we treat others. It's not just that we want other people to treat us with kindness, compassion, respect, etc., we want to treat ourselves that way too.
When you are talking to yourself, listen to what you are saying, and if you wouldn't ever in a million years say that to your friend, or your family, STOP, change it into something positive, and treat yourself with the kindness, compassion and respect you know you deserve. I promise it will make you happier!
Our internal dialogues are often negative, we blame ourselves, feel guilt, shame, anger; tell ourselves that we are just not good enough, or not as good as________ (whoever we seem to be comparing ourselves to); we are so hard on ourselves! In truth, if your friend said to you the things that you say to yourself, how fast would you end your friendship??? I hope the answer is really quickly!
How often have you ever said to a friend the things you say to yourself? - as in tell your friend they aren't good enough, or they have bad skin, and could lose a couple pounds? Never! They wouldn't be our friend anymore, and in truth, you probably think they would be crazy to think those things about themselves. You see how nice they are, how beautiful they are, and how much you care about them, and they care about you.
So I think that we should treat ourselves the way we treat others. It's not just that we want other people to treat us with kindness, compassion, respect, etc., we want to treat ourselves that way too.
When you are talking to yourself, listen to what you are saying, and if you wouldn't ever in a million years say that to your friend, or your family, STOP, change it into something positive, and treat yourself with the kindness, compassion and respect you know you deserve. I promise it will make you happier!
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Giving People Their S**t back..A Meditation
If you are like me, you would love to help everyone you care about any way you can. Often this leads to carrying someone else's burden, drama, pain, discomfort etc. with the idea that we are helping them out. When in reality, we are just holding on to their stuff, while they still have full grasp of it. We cannot ease someone else's pains or burdens by energetically holding on to it to "for them." We can however help by lending an ear, being as compassionate and empathetic as possible and being there for them.
So what happens when we somewhat unconsciously hold onto our loved ones shit? we get run down, our energy shifts, perhaps we stop being in such a great mood and cant quite put our fingers on it, try this meditation and see if you feel better after...
Sit comfortably, breathe a little slower and deeper than normal until you feel yourself relax. Then when you are ready, visualize a box in front of you, it can be any color, any size (if your holding onto a lot it can be a refrigerator box), then choose a person who's shit your holding on to with them, and picture all of their stuff going from you and into that box. Take your time and remember to breathe. Remember this box can grow as you put stuff in it, its flexible!
When your done filling this box with their stuff, add to it feelings of love and light, then visualize putting a lid on it, and wrapping it, elaborately or simply, your choice. When your done, visualize handing this present back to the person who owns it. Knowing it was theirs in the first place, and that you are doing it with love.
Repeat with as many people as you need!
When you are done, simply take a few deep breaths, feel your awareness come back to your body, and into the room you are in, wiggle your fingers and toes, and gently open your eyes.
Your done, see how you feel. And remember you are still a great and wonderful friend, and when you are unburdened by other peoples shit, you can actually be a more loving person.
Good luck and happy meditations!
*an addition to the meditation!! I realized that in any relationship there are (at least) two people involved, and you are one of them, so when you give who ever it is their shit back, remember to take back your own! visualize them giving you your box of shit back for you to take ownership of. This will free you to take responsibility for your own journey which is really important in the quest for happiness.
So what happens when we somewhat unconsciously hold onto our loved ones shit? we get run down, our energy shifts, perhaps we stop being in such a great mood and cant quite put our fingers on it, try this meditation and see if you feel better after...
Sit comfortably, breathe a little slower and deeper than normal until you feel yourself relax. Then when you are ready, visualize a box in front of you, it can be any color, any size (if your holding onto a lot it can be a refrigerator box), then choose a person who's shit your holding on to with them, and picture all of their stuff going from you and into that box. Take your time and remember to breathe. Remember this box can grow as you put stuff in it, its flexible!
When your done filling this box with their stuff, add to it feelings of love and light, then visualize putting a lid on it, and wrapping it, elaborately or simply, your choice. When your done, visualize handing this present back to the person who owns it. Knowing it was theirs in the first place, and that you are doing it with love.
Repeat with as many people as you need!
When you are done, simply take a few deep breaths, feel your awareness come back to your body, and into the room you are in, wiggle your fingers and toes, and gently open your eyes.
Your done, see how you feel. And remember you are still a great and wonderful friend, and when you are unburdened by other peoples shit, you can actually be a more loving person.
Good luck and happy meditations!
*an addition to the meditation!! I realized that in any relationship there are (at least) two people involved, and you are one of them, so when you give who ever it is their shit back, remember to take back your own! visualize them giving you your box of shit back for you to take ownership of. This will free you to take responsibility for your own journey which is really important in the quest for happiness.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
New Years Resolutions
I want to change the way I do resolutions. I personally do them on my birthday, because then it is for my personal year, and I often reflect on the past year then vs. at the end of the calendar year. So I have decided to base my resolutions on feelings instead of on things. I have noticed that if I resolve to change something that puts too much pressure on myself, or is based on material or superficial things, I set myself up for failing. So this year I want to feel abundant, happy, love, healthy, creative, even more empowered, aware, and connected. So now its the fun part of figuring out what I can do to elicit those feelings as often as possible! (which I promise will grace the pages of this blog as I go!)
As an example, every year gyms make a ton of money in January because of all the people out there who are determined to lose weight, by March (if not before) a very high percentage of people no longer go, and have given up on their resolution. So instead of wanting lose weight, figure out what feelings you are chasing, is it the feeling of being healthy? more energetic? happiness? feeling sexier? Find ways to feel those feelings and your weight should change in a positive way as a natural bi-product!
If it is health your after, set an intention to make better/healthier food choices, or decide to try at least one new health based thing this year - jazzercise, yoga, jogging, walking, zumba, and try to have fun with it. If you hate doing it, you won't last, so set yourself up for success by trying to find something that you can enjoy, even if its just a little.
If it is increased energy, try to go to bed at a better time and get a good nights sleep, decrease your caffeine and sugar intake in the day, increase the amount you exercise, eat healthier, do things with a smile.
If it is happiness, read this blog :) , do things with a smile, breathe, think of the things that make you the happiest (whether it be scrapbooking, dancing, laughing, meditation, spiritual pursuits, reading a great book) and do that as often as you can. Explore all of the things that make you smile, and you will find yourself happier as time goes on.
If it is feeling sexy, wear clothes that you feel good in, and tell yourself that you are sexy (while smiling) even when you aren't feeling that way, eventually you will feel it. Try to focus on the areas of your body that you love vs. the parts that you feel could use some work. Be gentle with yourself!
Instead of making the 'issue' the focus of change, make the positive feeling the creator of change!
As an example, every year gyms make a ton of money in January because of all the people out there who are determined to lose weight, by March (if not before) a very high percentage of people no longer go, and have given up on their resolution. So instead of wanting lose weight, figure out what feelings you are chasing, is it the feeling of being healthy? more energetic? happiness? feeling sexier? Find ways to feel those feelings and your weight should change in a positive way as a natural bi-product!
If it is health your after, set an intention to make better/healthier food choices, or decide to try at least one new health based thing this year - jazzercise, yoga, jogging, walking, zumba, and try to have fun with it. If you hate doing it, you won't last, so set yourself up for success by trying to find something that you can enjoy, even if its just a little.
If it is increased energy, try to go to bed at a better time and get a good nights sleep, decrease your caffeine and sugar intake in the day, increase the amount you exercise, eat healthier, do things with a smile.
If it is happiness, read this blog :) , do things with a smile, breathe, think of the things that make you the happiest (whether it be scrapbooking, dancing, laughing, meditation, spiritual pursuits, reading a great book) and do that as often as you can. Explore all of the things that make you smile, and you will find yourself happier as time goes on.
If it is feeling sexy, wear clothes that you feel good in, and tell yourself that you are sexy (while smiling) even when you aren't feeling that way, eventually you will feel it. Try to focus on the areas of your body that you love vs. the parts that you feel could use some work. Be gentle with yourself!
Instead of making the 'issue' the focus of change, make the positive feeling the creator of change!
Thursday, November 8, 2012
The Balance Myth
I don't know if it is just me that does this, but I think the concept of balance has me striving to achieve something that is truly not achievable. I don't know if it is the visualization of a see-saw and having something as equal on one side as it is on the other to obtain that perfect level of balance or just the amount of things that I have read or heard about achieving and maintaining the mythological balance. To be honest I am not even sure what it is that I am trying to balance, is it family and work, is it work and rest and play, how many things am I allowed to try to balance? and should it all be equal parts? 50/50, 33.3/33.3/33.3??
I feel like I hear other people talk about trying to achieve the same thing, some sort of ability to divide our time up into specific areas to make sure that we spend the right amount of time in the right amount of spaces to create the right amount of happiness. But because our lives are always changing, this concept of balance has become something that is more of a stress when we don't feel like we have it; then it is something that helps us feel good about ourselves/our lives.
I think that we have also created the idea of balance to make sure that we are spending our time appropriately and making sure that we aren't being wasteful with our precious time. So I decided to look at my life and see where I was wasting my time. And often the first things that I consider are the times in which I am relaxing. TV is a huge time 'waster' for me, but it is really one of the few things that will allow my mind to check out for a few minutes at a time, and in truth the amount that goes on in there, my mind needs some down time too! So really, not wasteful. In truth it is important to rest, and recoup in order to stay healthy. I see my family and friends often, sometimes it more, sometimes its less, I work quite a bit, but that goes with doing what you love, and loving what you do, and growing a business. Some days I work harder than others, it all depends on how I feel. I don't have kids, maybe balance is different when your a parent.
So is my life 'unbalanced'? probably. Should I strive to make it swing into some sort of balance? probably not. I think I am just going to let my notions of balance go, and let my life be what it is for every moment it is.
I feel like I hear other people talk about trying to achieve the same thing, some sort of ability to divide our time up into specific areas to make sure that we spend the right amount of time in the right amount of spaces to create the right amount of happiness. But because our lives are always changing, this concept of balance has become something that is more of a stress when we don't feel like we have it; then it is something that helps us feel good about ourselves/our lives.
I think that we have also created the idea of balance to make sure that we are spending our time appropriately and making sure that we aren't being wasteful with our precious time. So I decided to look at my life and see where I was wasting my time. And often the first things that I consider are the times in which I am relaxing. TV is a huge time 'waster' for me, but it is really one of the few things that will allow my mind to check out for a few minutes at a time, and in truth the amount that goes on in there, my mind needs some down time too! So really, not wasteful. In truth it is important to rest, and recoup in order to stay healthy. I see my family and friends often, sometimes it more, sometimes its less, I work quite a bit, but that goes with doing what you love, and loving what you do, and growing a business. Some days I work harder than others, it all depends on how I feel. I don't have kids, maybe balance is different when your a parent.
So is my life 'unbalanced'? probably. Should I strive to make it swing into some sort of balance? probably not. I think I am just going to let my notions of balance go, and let my life be what it is for every moment it is.
Friday, October 26, 2012
The Power of Forgiveness
Forgiving someone is often a really hard thing to do, having that conversation with someone that you really don't want to have can be even harder, but what happens when you are unable to talk to them? or simply aren't ready to?
The first step is to forgive on your part. Write a letter to the person who you feel has wronged you, make sure to make it as truthful as possible, get your feelings out let them know how much they hurt you. Let everything out (especially all those things that you wished you could have said in the moment), even if it means you are writing a novel. They will NEVER read this letter. This is for you and only you to see. Once you are done, burn it, flush it, get rid of it in any cathartic way that you feel good with (personally I love to burn these!) This will help get things out.
Next step, this is very important! Forgive yourself. You need to acknowledge that you are a part of this scenario as well, be kind and compassionate to yourself and understand that you did the best you could with the tools that you had, own your part of what happened and figure out how you can grow from it. If you need to, write a similar letter to yourself, and burn it too.
Now try to see it from the wrong doers perspective, see if you can find it in yourself to feel compassion for this person then send them the thoughts of love and light, and wish them the best on their journey.
Forgiveness doesn't have to be about forgetting, and it doesn't mean that you have to now have this person back in your life or that you excuse their behavior/actions. This is for you to heal, for you to grow, and for you to move forward in your life. The only person who suffers from holding on to pain, resentment, anger, and hurt feelings is you. The only person who can release these feelings is you.
If you are still having some troubles letting go, and feel that you need to hear them say they are sorry to you, but cannot accomplish this, write another letter. Write it to you, from them, in it write all of the things that you wish they would say to you. Ask someone that you love and trust to read the letter to you, sit with closed eyes and picture the person who hurt you as the one speaking. Remember to breathe, and let the emotions that come up be free to come out, give yourself permission to heal and forgive. Then burn that letter too.
The first step is to forgive on your part. Write a letter to the person who you feel has wronged you, make sure to make it as truthful as possible, get your feelings out let them know how much they hurt you. Let everything out (especially all those things that you wished you could have said in the moment), even if it means you are writing a novel. They will NEVER read this letter. This is for you and only you to see. Once you are done, burn it, flush it, get rid of it in any cathartic way that you feel good with (personally I love to burn these!) This will help get things out.
Next step, this is very important! Forgive yourself. You need to acknowledge that you are a part of this scenario as well, be kind and compassionate to yourself and understand that you did the best you could with the tools that you had, own your part of what happened and figure out how you can grow from it. If you need to, write a similar letter to yourself, and burn it too.
Now try to see it from the wrong doers perspective, see if you can find it in yourself to feel compassion for this person then send them the thoughts of love and light, and wish them the best on their journey.
Forgiveness doesn't have to be about forgetting, and it doesn't mean that you have to now have this person back in your life or that you excuse their behavior/actions. This is for you to heal, for you to grow, and for you to move forward in your life. The only person who suffers from holding on to pain, resentment, anger, and hurt feelings is you. The only person who can release these feelings is you.
If you are still having some troubles letting go, and feel that you need to hear them say they are sorry to you, but cannot accomplish this, write another letter. Write it to you, from them, in it write all of the things that you wish they would say to you. Ask someone that you love and trust to read the letter to you, sit with closed eyes and picture the person who hurt you as the one speaking. Remember to breathe, and let the emotions that come up be free to come out, give yourself permission to heal and forgive. Then burn that letter too.
Friday, September 28, 2012
Take a breath
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