The Power of Forgiveness

Forgiving someone is often a really hard thing to do, having that conversation with someone that you really don't want to have can be even harder, but what happens when you are unable to talk to them? or simply aren't ready to?
The first step is to forgive on your part. Write a letter to the person who you feel has wronged you, make sure to make it as truthful as possible, get your feelings out let them know how much they hurt you. Let everything out (especially all those things that you wished you could have said in the moment), even if it means you are writing a novel. They will NEVER read this letter. This is for you and only you to see. Once you are done, burn it, flush it, get rid of it in any cathartic way that you feel good with (personally I love to burn these!) This will help get things out.
Next step, this is very important! Forgive yourself. You need to acknowledge that you are a part of this scenario as well, be kind and compassionate to yourself and understand that you did the best you could with the tools that you had, own your part of what happened and figure out how you can grow from it. If you need to, write a similar letter to yourself, and burn it too.
Now try to see it from the wrong doers perspective, see if you can find it in yourself to feel compassion for this person then send them the thoughts of love and light, and wish them the best on their journey.

Forgiveness doesn't have to be about forgetting, and it doesn't mean that you have to now have this person back in your life or that you excuse their behavior/actions. This is for you to heal, for you to grow, and for you to move forward in your life. The only person who suffers from holding on to pain, resentment, anger, and hurt feelings is you. The only person who can release these feelings is you.

If you are still having some troubles letting go, and feel that you need to hear them say they are sorry to you, but cannot accomplish this, write another letter. Write it to you, from them, in it write all of the things that you wish they would say to you. Ask someone that you love and trust to read the letter to you, sit with closed eyes and picture the person who hurt you as the one speaking. Remember to breathe, and let the emotions that come up be free to come out, give yourself permission to heal and forgive. Then burn that letter too.

Take a breath

I admit it, I am a tree hugger...literally. I love being in nature. I took this picture on a hike that I recently went on, clearly it was well worth it. It was a challenge for me for sure, my still slightly sore legs will agree with that. The great thing was, at the end of it, not only did I feel more peaceful but I felt really proud of myself (and my wonderful Mom that came with me!) for getting the full hike in, no shortcuts. We realized as we were trying to get up another incline, at a pace that was far faster than necessary, it was far more enjoyable to go a bit slower so we could actually enjoy it (and breathe at the same time). It was a great reminder for me, why rush the journey? just enjoy it all as it unfolds, take the time to look around and you'll appreciate the end result even more!

I'm going to get my half orange...

I am reading Meeting Your Half-Orange by Amy Spencer, and I highly recommend it for any lady (or man) out there who is single, and is really wanting to find their partner. I have been devouring books on self improvement, spirituality, energy, healing, physics and how the universe works, for years and years. I do this because I have a constant striving to improve my life, have an understanding of what I do for a living, and to have the ability to share what I have learned with others in hopes that it can help them too. Not to mention how much I like to read! This is the first time I have intentionally picked up a book that to improve my love life, because I know that being in a meaningful, wonderful, and loving relationship will make me happy, and I decided it was time to maybe get some help in the one area of my life that wasn't making me happy. Thanks to this incredible book, I really feel good about admitting that the right romantic partner will be an improvement in my life, and a partnership will in fact make me a stronger person - and by admitting this it doesn't mean that I am any less of the incredible woman that I am, it is just getting the right message to the universe.

Lead By Example

This goes along with my last post of listening and honoring yourself. Leading by example is a really important thing to do that can help improve your happiness!
Do you ever find yourself getting frustrated that people do something that was clearly not right? or just inconsiderate? I find that inconsiderate actions are hard for me to remain calm and centered about, so I have been trying to find the best way for me to keep my wits about me, and leading by example has really helped. I have made the conscious decision to do what I know is right for me, and making sure that I am kind and considerate to others!
Driving can be a time when all of this comes out, we have all had the person that is driving very closely behind us because we are apparently going to slow for them, and I know we have also been the person to do it to someone else. So instead of getting mad about it, I give them space, and wait calmly until I can go around, there is no sense stressing them out, and myself out, when it just isn't necessary.

If you don't like it when something happens to you, or someone treats you a certain way, then don't do it to someone else. Lead by example, and if and when that thing that bugs you happens, take a nice deep breath, smile, and be grateful that you don't do that -what ever it is- anymore. I know this sounds a bit like common sense but we all still have that little egoic thing in us that wants retribution from time to time!

Being proactive and applying not so random acts of kindness is also a good plan, smiling first at someone generally ensures they will smile at you back, and hopefully at the next person too! Aim for happiness, project happiness as often as possible, and maybe someone will see how happy you are and try to emulate it!

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

I hope when reading the title of this post you sung r-e-s-p-e-c-t like Aretha Franklin, I certainly did and it made me happy!

So this is an important one, and one that takes a lot of us many years to really grasp and follow (and by us I mean me, I just hope I am not the only one!) I should clarify this is about respecting yourself, not about others - though I do obviously encourage you to respect others too, just as long as you are respecting yourself first and foremost.

In order to really be able to help others, or to live happily among other people we need to learn the art of self respect. I have been trying to figure out why it is such a bad thing to be selfish or self centered, I understand that when it is coming from a place of pure ego, or when it is out of balance, or if it is intentionally hurting others, that it is a bad thing. But why are we taught that it is so bad to be focusing on self?? I know some selfish people, and I know that I get mad when they are selfish, but when I think about what really makes me mad, I realize that I am not selfish enough, I will do for others before I will do for myself, and that my anger is really masking my desire to do the same, and the frustration that I am not.
So I made a promise to myself that I will start respecting, honoring and listening to myself, and what I want as long as I am coming from a heart centered place. And amazing things started to happen! I found the power to say no to things that I didn't want to do, and I now listen to my body when I am overdoing things, and taking time for me to rest and recharge. * I am returning my power to myself! instead of giving it all away to everyone else. I truly feel empowered now.
I do know that I have hurt some feelings along the way, interestingly enough though, I don't actually feel bad about it! It is all because I intentionally come from a heart centered place, which basically means that I am making sure to respect my choices and decisions, and making sure that I am saying no based on how I really feel and not out of spite or drama. I have also come to the understanding that it isn't my job to make sure other peoples feelings don't get hurt, it's my job to make sure that mine don't. So instead of obliging others at the expense of my happiness, I allow my heart to be heard and honored instead.

The Concept of Fun

I was out for tea with a friend and she brought up a really good point that I fully connect with. Who is it that decided what days we can have fun on, and what we have to do in order to have fun. If you think of the days you are supposed to 'go out and have fun' its almost guaranteed that you are going to say Friday and Saturday nights, right? and why do you have to go out, drink, do drugs, go to a place that plays horribly loud music etc. etc.?

I know that I am almost 30, and I am bound to be making changes in my life, social life included. But I have never enjoyed the bar scene, I have never really been much of a drinker/recreational drug user, and in the past few years I haven't been at all. This does not mean that I don't have fun. I can go out for tea, or for a walk, hang out with friends, or to an event and have a lot of fun, I can also sit at home and read a good book and have fun.

I think what fun really comes down to for me is what I enjoy doing, not doing things that are based on what 'they' decide is fun. The point of this and how it relates to happiness is this: Do what feels right for you. I know it can be hard when what you like goes against the grain a little, but do it anyway. I promise you will find new friends that will share in what you love doing, and some friends may surprise you and enjoy doing the fun things you like to do too.

Everything just comes down to honoring and respecting yourself, as long as you are doing that you will be happier and have a lot of fun!

Morning Gratitude

I am starting to realize that thinking about five or so things that I am grateful for in the morning is also useful. Personally I think about it before I get out of bed/between snooze button hits, its work to write it down, and I figure thinking about it is just as effective. It does help me start my day off on a more positive note and I feel more motivated to get things done in the day!