I want to change the way I do resolutions. I personally do them on my birthday, because then it is for my personal year, and I often reflect on the past year then vs. at the end of the calendar year. So I have decided to base my resolutions on feelings instead of on things. I have noticed that if I resolve to change something that puts too much pressure on myself, or is based on material or superficial things, I set myself up for failing. So this year I want to feel abundant, happy, love, healthy, creative, even more empowered, aware, and connected. So now its the fun part of figuring out what I can do to elicit those feelings as often as possible! (which I promise will grace the pages of this blog as I go!)
As an example, every year gyms make a ton of money in January because of all the people out there who are determined to lose weight, by March (if not before) a very high percentage of people no longer go, and have given up on their resolution. So instead of wanting lose weight, figure out what feelings you are chasing, is it the feeling of being healthy? more energetic? happiness? feeling sexier? Find ways to feel those feelings and your weight should change in a positive way as a natural bi-product!
If it is health your after, set an intention to make better/healthier food choices, or decide to try at least one new health based thing this year - jazzercise, yoga, jogging, walking, zumba, and try to have fun with it. If you hate doing it, you won't last, so set yourself up for success by trying to find something that you can enjoy, even if its just a little.
If it is increased energy, try to go to bed at a better time and get a good nights sleep, decrease your caffeine and sugar intake in the day, increase the amount you exercise, eat healthier, do things with a smile.
If it is happiness, read this blog :) , do things with a smile, breathe, think of the things that make you the happiest (whether it be scrapbooking, dancing, laughing, meditation, spiritual pursuits, reading a great book) and do that as often as you can. Explore all of the things that make you smile, and you will find yourself happier as time goes on.
If it is feeling sexy, wear clothes that you feel good in, and tell yourself that you are sexy (while smiling) even when you aren't feeling that way, eventually you will feel it. Try to focus on the areas of your body that you love vs. the parts that you feel could use some work. Be gentle with yourself!
Instead of making the 'issue' the focus of change, make the positive feeling the creator of change!
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Thursday, November 8, 2012
The Balance Myth
I don't know if it is just me that does this, but I think the concept of balance has me striving to achieve something that is truly not achievable. I don't know if it is the visualization of a see-saw and having something as equal on one side as it is on the other to obtain that perfect level of balance or just the amount of things that I have read or heard about achieving and maintaining the mythological balance. To be honest I am not even sure what it is that I am trying to balance, is it family and work, is it work and rest and play, how many things am I allowed to try to balance? and should it all be equal parts? 50/50, 33.3/33.3/33.3??
I feel like I hear other people talk about trying to achieve the same thing, some sort of ability to divide our time up into specific areas to make sure that we spend the right amount of time in the right amount of spaces to create the right amount of happiness. But because our lives are always changing, this concept of balance has become something that is more of a stress when we don't feel like we have it; then it is something that helps us feel good about ourselves/our lives.
I think that we have also created the idea of balance to make sure that we are spending our time appropriately and making sure that we aren't being wasteful with our precious time. So I decided to look at my life and see where I was wasting my time. And often the first things that I consider are the times in which I am relaxing. TV is a huge time 'waster' for me, but it is really one of the few things that will allow my mind to check out for a few minutes at a time, and in truth the amount that goes on in there, my mind needs some down time too! So really, not wasteful. In truth it is important to rest, and recoup in order to stay healthy. I see my family and friends often, sometimes it more, sometimes its less, I work quite a bit, but that goes with doing what you love, and loving what you do, and growing a business. Some days I work harder than others, it all depends on how I feel. I don't have kids, maybe balance is different when your a parent.
So is my life 'unbalanced'? probably. Should I strive to make it swing into some sort of balance? probably not. I think I am just going to let my notions of balance go, and let my life be what it is for every moment it is.
I feel like I hear other people talk about trying to achieve the same thing, some sort of ability to divide our time up into specific areas to make sure that we spend the right amount of time in the right amount of spaces to create the right amount of happiness. But because our lives are always changing, this concept of balance has become something that is more of a stress when we don't feel like we have it; then it is something that helps us feel good about ourselves/our lives.
I think that we have also created the idea of balance to make sure that we are spending our time appropriately and making sure that we aren't being wasteful with our precious time. So I decided to look at my life and see where I was wasting my time. And often the first things that I consider are the times in which I am relaxing. TV is a huge time 'waster' for me, but it is really one of the few things that will allow my mind to check out for a few minutes at a time, and in truth the amount that goes on in there, my mind needs some down time too! So really, not wasteful. In truth it is important to rest, and recoup in order to stay healthy. I see my family and friends often, sometimes it more, sometimes its less, I work quite a bit, but that goes with doing what you love, and loving what you do, and growing a business. Some days I work harder than others, it all depends on how I feel. I don't have kids, maybe balance is different when your a parent.
So is my life 'unbalanced'? probably. Should I strive to make it swing into some sort of balance? probably not. I think I am just going to let my notions of balance go, and let my life be what it is for every moment it is.
Friday, October 26, 2012
The Power of Forgiveness
Forgiving someone is often a really hard thing to do, having that conversation with someone that you really don't want to have can be even harder, but what happens when you are unable to talk to them? or simply aren't ready to?
The first step is to forgive on your part. Write a letter to the person who you feel has wronged you, make sure to make it as truthful as possible, get your feelings out let them know how much they hurt you. Let everything out (especially all those things that you wished you could have said in the moment), even if it means you are writing a novel. They will NEVER read this letter. This is for you and only you to see. Once you are done, burn it, flush it, get rid of it in any cathartic way that you feel good with (personally I love to burn these!) This will help get things out.
Next step, this is very important! Forgive yourself. You need to acknowledge that you are a part of this scenario as well, be kind and compassionate to yourself and understand that you did the best you could with the tools that you had, own your part of what happened and figure out how you can grow from it. If you need to, write a similar letter to yourself, and burn it too.
Now try to see it from the wrong doers perspective, see if you can find it in yourself to feel compassion for this person then send them the thoughts of love and light, and wish them the best on their journey.
Forgiveness doesn't have to be about forgetting, and it doesn't mean that you have to now have this person back in your life or that you excuse their behavior/actions. This is for you to heal, for you to grow, and for you to move forward in your life. The only person who suffers from holding on to pain, resentment, anger, and hurt feelings is you. The only person who can release these feelings is you.
If you are still having some troubles letting go, and feel that you need to hear them say they are sorry to you, but cannot accomplish this, write another letter. Write it to you, from them, in it write all of the things that you wish they would say to you. Ask someone that you love and trust to read the letter to you, sit with closed eyes and picture the person who hurt you as the one speaking. Remember to breathe, and let the emotions that come up be free to come out, give yourself permission to heal and forgive. Then burn that letter too.
The first step is to forgive on your part. Write a letter to the person who you feel has wronged you, make sure to make it as truthful as possible, get your feelings out let them know how much they hurt you. Let everything out (especially all those things that you wished you could have said in the moment), even if it means you are writing a novel. They will NEVER read this letter. This is for you and only you to see. Once you are done, burn it, flush it, get rid of it in any cathartic way that you feel good with (personally I love to burn these!) This will help get things out.
Next step, this is very important! Forgive yourself. You need to acknowledge that you are a part of this scenario as well, be kind and compassionate to yourself and understand that you did the best you could with the tools that you had, own your part of what happened and figure out how you can grow from it. If you need to, write a similar letter to yourself, and burn it too.
Now try to see it from the wrong doers perspective, see if you can find it in yourself to feel compassion for this person then send them the thoughts of love and light, and wish them the best on their journey.
Forgiveness doesn't have to be about forgetting, and it doesn't mean that you have to now have this person back in your life or that you excuse their behavior/actions. This is for you to heal, for you to grow, and for you to move forward in your life. The only person who suffers from holding on to pain, resentment, anger, and hurt feelings is you. The only person who can release these feelings is you.
If you are still having some troubles letting go, and feel that you need to hear them say they are sorry to you, but cannot accomplish this, write another letter. Write it to you, from them, in it write all of the things that you wish they would say to you. Ask someone that you love and trust to read the letter to you, sit with closed eyes and picture the person who hurt you as the one speaking. Remember to breathe, and let the emotions that come up be free to come out, give yourself permission to heal and forgive. Then burn that letter too.
Friday, September 28, 2012
Take a breath
Friday, September 21, 2012
I'm going to get my half orange...
I am reading Meeting Your Half-Orange by Amy Spencer, and I highly recommend it for any lady (or man) out there who is single, and is really wanting to find their partner. I have been devouring books on self improvement, spirituality, energy, healing, physics and how the universe works, for years and years. I do this because I have a constant striving to improve my life, have an understanding of what I do for a living, and to have the ability to share what I have learned with others in hopes that it can help them too. Not to mention how much I like to read! This is the first time I have intentionally picked up a book that to improve my love life, because I know that being in a meaningful, wonderful, and loving relationship will make me happy, and I decided it was time to maybe get some help in the one area of my life that wasn't making me happy. Thanks to this incredible book, I really feel good about admitting that the right romantic partner will be an improvement in my life, and a partnership will in fact make me a stronger person - and by admitting this it doesn't mean that I am any less of the incredible woman that I am, it is just getting the right message to the universe.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Lead By Example
This goes along with my last post of listening and honoring yourself. Leading by example is a really important thing to do that can help improve your happiness!
Do you ever find yourself getting frustrated that people do something that was clearly not right? or just inconsiderate? I find that inconsiderate actions are hard for me to remain calm and centered about, so I have been trying to find the best way for me to keep my wits about me, and leading by example has really helped. I have made the conscious decision to do what I know is right for me, and making sure that I am kind and considerate to others!
Driving can be a time when all of this comes out, we have all had the person that is driving very closely behind us because we are apparently going to slow for them, and I know we have also been the person to do it to someone else. So instead of getting mad about it, I give them space, and wait calmly until I can go around, there is no sense stressing them out, and myself out, when it just isn't necessary.
If you don't like it when something happens to you, or someone treats you a certain way, then don't do it to someone else. Lead by example, and if and when that thing that bugs you happens, take a nice deep breath, smile, and be grateful that you don't do that -what ever it is- anymore. I know this sounds a bit like common sense but we all still have that little egoic thing in us that wants retribution from time to time!
Being proactive and applying not so random acts of kindness is also a good plan, smiling first at someone generally ensures they will smile at you back, and hopefully at the next person too! Aim for happiness, project happiness as often as possible, and maybe someone will see how happy you are and try to emulate it!
Do you ever find yourself getting frustrated that people do something that was clearly not right? or just inconsiderate? I find that inconsiderate actions are hard for me to remain calm and centered about, so I have been trying to find the best way for me to keep my wits about me, and leading by example has really helped. I have made the conscious decision to do what I know is right for me, and making sure that I am kind and considerate to others!
Driving can be a time when all of this comes out, we have all had the person that is driving very closely behind us because we are apparently going to slow for them, and I know we have also been the person to do it to someone else. So instead of getting mad about it, I give them space, and wait calmly until I can go around, there is no sense stressing them out, and myself out, when it just isn't necessary.
If you don't like it when something happens to you, or someone treats you a certain way, then don't do it to someone else. Lead by example, and if and when that thing that bugs you happens, take a nice deep breath, smile, and be grateful that you don't do that -what ever it is- anymore. I know this sounds a bit like common sense but we all still have that little egoic thing in us that wants retribution from time to time!
Being proactive and applying not so random acts of kindness is also a good plan, smiling first at someone generally ensures they will smile at you back, and hopefully at the next person too! Aim for happiness, project happiness as often as possible, and maybe someone will see how happy you are and try to emulate it!
Sunday, August 12, 2012
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
I hope when reading the title of this post you sung r-e-s-p-e-c-t like Aretha Franklin, I certainly did and it made me happy!
So this is an important one, and one that takes a lot of us many years to really grasp and follow (and by us I mean me, I just hope I am not the only one!) I should clarify this is about respecting yourself, not about others - though I do obviously encourage you to respect others too, just as long as you are respecting yourself first and foremost.
In order to really be able to help others, or to live happily among other people we need to learn the art of self respect. I have been trying to figure out why it is such a bad thing to be selfish or self centered, I understand that when it is coming from a place of pure ego, or when it is out of balance, or if it is intentionally hurting others, that it is a bad thing. But why are we taught that it is so bad to be focusing on self?? I know some selfish people, and I know that I get mad when they are selfish, but when I think about what really makes me mad, I realize that I am not selfish enough, I will do for others before I will do for myself, and that my anger is really masking my desire to do the same, and the frustration that I am not.
So I made a promise to myself that I will start respecting, honoring and listening to myself, and what I want as long as I am coming from a heart centered place. And amazing things started to happen! I found the power to say no to things that I didn't want to do, and I now listen to my body when I am overdoing things, and taking time for me to rest and recharge. * I am returning my power to myself! instead of giving it all away to everyone else. I truly feel empowered now.
I do know that I have hurt some feelings along the way, interestingly enough though, I don't actually feel bad about it! It is all because I intentionally come from a heart centered place, which basically means that I am making sure to respect my choices and decisions, and making sure that I am saying no based on how I really feel and not out of spite or drama. I have also come to the understanding that it isn't my job to make sure other peoples feelings don't get hurt, it's my job to make sure that mine don't. So instead of obliging others at the expense of my happiness, I allow my heart to be heard and honored instead.
So this is an important one, and one that takes a lot of us many years to really grasp and follow (and by us I mean me, I just hope I am not the only one!) I should clarify this is about respecting yourself, not about others - though I do obviously encourage you to respect others too, just as long as you are respecting yourself first and foremost.
In order to really be able to help others, or to live happily among other people we need to learn the art of self respect. I have been trying to figure out why it is such a bad thing to be selfish or self centered, I understand that when it is coming from a place of pure ego, or when it is out of balance, or if it is intentionally hurting others, that it is a bad thing. But why are we taught that it is so bad to be focusing on self?? I know some selfish people, and I know that I get mad when they are selfish, but when I think about what really makes me mad, I realize that I am not selfish enough, I will do for others before I will do for myself, and that my anger is really masking my desire to do the same, and the frustration that I am not.
So I made a promise to myself that I will start respecting, honoring and listening to myself, and what I want as long as I am coming from a heart centered place. And amazing things started to happen! I found the power to say no to things that I didn't want to do, and I now listen to my body when I am overdoing things, and taking time for me to rest and recharge. * I am returning my power to myself! instead of giving it all away to everyone else. I truly feel empowered now.
I do know that I have hurt some feelings along the way, interestingly enough though, I don't actually feel bad about it! It is all because I intentionally come from a heart centered place, which basically means that I am making sure to respect my choices and decisions, and making sure that I am saying no based on how I really feel and not out of spite or drama. I have also come to the understanding that it isn't my job to make sure other peoples feelings don't get hurt, it's my job to make sure that mine don't. So instead of obliging others at the expense of my happiness, I allow my heart to be heard and honored instead.
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